We all know the feeling: the same toxic partner again (just with a different name), the same argument with the boss, another empty bank account at the end of the month. You look in the mirror and ask: “Why am I so unlucky? Why is fate so unfair to me?”
Stop. Enough with blaming the stars, karma, or a bad horoscope. Carl Jung had a simple but direct saying: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Most people live under the illusion that they are in control of their lives. In reality, the majority of our decisions, reactions, and choices come from the unconscious. It’s your internal “autopilot,” programmed back when you didn’t even know how to tie your shoes. If you learned as a child that attention can only be gained through drama, your unconscious will continue to sabotage peaceful relationships in adulthood because they feel “boring.” You think you’re looking for happiness, but your unconscious is looking for the familiar. And to the unconscious, “familiar” is more important than “happy.”
Fate is just your laziness to look within
Calling your mistakes “fate” is convenient. It absolves you of responsibility. If it’s fate, then you’re a victim, and a victim doesn’t have to do anything. But if you admit that you are creating these situations with your own unconscious programs, the rules of the game change. It can be challenging and terrifying because suddenly, you are responsible.
How to break the vicious cycle?
- Stop looking for culprits outside. The world is your mirror. If all your exes are “crazy,” the problem isn’t them – it’s your mind that keeps choosing them.
- Recognize the triggers. What is it that always knocks you off track? Anger? Jealousy? Playing the victim? Once you recognize these patterns, you can choose how to react instead of just “exploding” as usual.
- Accept your “self.” We all have qualities we’d rather hide – envy, fear, aggression. As long as you deny them, they will lead you from the darkness. The moment you acknowledge them, they lose their magical power over your actions.
You can keep running in the same circle and call it your cross to bear. Or you can stop and finally see who is actually controlling your life. Your life won’t change with a new day or a new city. It will only change when your unconscious finally starts working for you, not against you.