If your life is chaotic, you are tired, constantly stressed or emotionally unstable, your “help” to a friend has no added value, or at least not as much as it could have. But if you take care of yourself, are calm and full of energy, your presence becomes truly valuable. We tend to think that by helping a friend, we ourselves become better friends, but that is an illusion. A good friend is someone who is in control of their own life. You can only change yourself with certainty – that is the only resource you truly control.
Pros
- inner peace – you are calm, understand your emotions, and can make well-considered decisions.
- energy – you have enough strength to be there for your friend and support them, rather than just wasting energy.
- reliability – your friend knows they can rely on you because your life is orderly, without chaos.
- effectiveness – you see what you can give and know your limits. Friendship becomes mutually valuable.
Cons
- chaos – you are chaotic and unpredictable. Your friend feels responsible for your life.
- fatigue – lack of energy makes you ineffective as a friend. You only waste energy on yourself and others.
- emotional instability — anger, stress, or lack of self-control directly affect any friendship.
- dependence — you expect others to help you or fulfill your needs.
- disappointment — you feel dissatisfied because the friendship is not what you imagined it to be.
A great example is the safety instructions on an airplane. If oxygen masks appear in the cabin, you must first put yours on, and only then can you help those sitting next to you, even if they are children. What can a person who has lost consciousness and control of themselves and their body do to help?
Help yourself before helping your friends.