When you’re afraid, your decisions become automatic – that is, you have little or no control over them. You think only about how to escape the uncomfortable situation right here and now. Long-term plans and logic don’t work in that moment.
- Haste: You grab the first decision that pops into your head just to kill the discomfort (to escape). For example, your boss says something sharp, and you immediately write a resignation letter, even though you’ll have nothing to eat tomorrow. That’s not a brave decision. It’s fear of an unpleasant conversation.
- Passivity: You see everything going down the drain – problems at work, a crisis in your relationship – but you do nothing. You just hope everything will resolve itself. As a result, you lose time and the chance to save anything.
- Attack: Fearing criticism or rejection, you start attacking first. You ruin the relationship yourself simply because you’re scared of your own weakness.
Why do we make “weak” decisions?
Out of fear, we always choose the path of least resistance.
- Agreeing to everything: You’re afraid to say “no” because you want to avoid conflict. In the end, you’re buried under everyone else’s work and feel like a squeezed lemon.
- Staying in the “crap”: You stay for years in a job you hate or a relationship that destroys you just because the fear of the unknown is greater than the desire for something better.
- Making excuses: Instead of admitting a mistake and moving on, you start lying or blaming others because you’re afraid of looking like an idiot. As a result, you look even worse.
What to do about it?
If you feel like you’re about to make a decision just because you’re scared or anxious, use these three points:
- Shut up: Unless the house is on fire, you don’t have to answer right away. Wait an hour. If the decision still seems good after an hour, then do it. Most likely, it won’t.
- Facts: Throw out all those “what if” thoughts. What is happening right now? If no one is dying, there’s no reason for panic.
- Accept the worst-case scenario: What happens if you get fired? What happens if you get dumped? Once you “live through” the worst in your head and realize it won’t kill you, fear can no longer lead you.
In short: Fear is a good smoke detector, but it’s a shitty advisor. If a decision is based on the desire to run or avoid, it will almost always be a bad one.